Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I wrote it. It sort of has to do with teaching.

Sort of. . . . . . . . . .

“New Years 2008”

Another year is closing, another one dawning,
And somewhere, out there, someone is yawning.
Some major big changes happened this year,
So shut up your singing and lend me your ear
(I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you should hear).
I wrote a big thesis, it weighs a ton
But during the writing, boy I sure had fun.
I have a BA, (but its sort of BS),
Since I majored in English and History, I guess)
Worked through the summer, then got a real job
Teaching some youngsters, most of ‘em slobs!
(I don’t mean that jab. Please, no tears and sobs)
I visit my friend, and strain for a life,
Outside of teaching and grading and dodging the scythe
(And yes, I’m still single, and still have no wife)
And thus I look forward to the New Year ahead.
Will it be lively, or will it be dead.
(With Dems in charge, I’m voting for dead)
Lets hope it gets better, rather than worse,
And maybe a sports team will throw off its curse,
And maybe I’ll find out my vocation
And spend some time during summer vacation
Traveling round to places so cool,
And maybe the College will get a new pool.
(Non Sequitor, I know, but it rhymes with “cool”)
So here’s to the prayers for luck and success,
And blessings and blessings and all of the rest.
Happy New Year to you, and yes, you too.
I’ll see you on the flip side, East-side of this zoo.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Terrible World History

I don't remember where I found this, so I can't give proper citation. Enjoy.

The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot of incorrect information.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. Soloman, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, the threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would turture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
In medevil time most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and versus and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interes in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest write of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is only famous because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the Kind by attack his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal for them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse devided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest president. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Graity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off trees.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. The the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplary of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species

Friday, October 17, 2008

my new strategy

Tell me if this is too evil.


TEACHERS! Tired of trying to catch all the students who talk in your class, especially those in the back who are not clever enough to talk sneakily but still cleaver enough to stop talking once the teacher starts writing names on the board? Then try

MR. ROSE'S TICKETING SYSTEM!!!!!!

That's right folks! Mr. Rose has developed a prototype (patent pending) method of catching those pesky talkers off guard. Simply hand the ticket to talkative students when they are acting up, and PRESTO! results. The tickets also work for students who talk back in class, raise their hand and ask their question at the same time, tell other students to shut up, ask questions without raising their hands, yell corrections to students who are messing up on something, even when the teacher is working with that student, or students who simply won't do the work.

This way the student can sentence without having to run across the room to the chalkboard. You save time and energy. Isn't that great?

So don't delay. ACT NOW!!!!

only $40, 283.32, plus shipping. Order 5 or more sets, and shipping is ON US!!



The actual breakdown of my penalties is listed on my schoolnotes page (new.schoolnotes.com). Look for my name with the zipcode 20747.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I can't think of a title

Work is not so terrible right now. I appreciate not having such a difficult time as you do, Mrs. O'Neill. No, my students don't get physical, at least. I admire your patience.

As far as my classes are concerned, I have--are you ready?--Math 6, Geography 6, Religion 7/8, Science 7/8, English 9/10, and Latin II. When people ask me what grade I teach, I have fun telling them, "Sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth." It sounds impressive, but it really isn't. I'm sorry I complained.

A new experience: PSAT's. I got to administer them yesterday. It was interesting. I almost wanted to take the test with my students. It would have been fun. Oh, and another new experience: 350-word essays on obedience and respect are excellent punishment for ninth and tenth grade boys who were talking during the PSAT. I have three due tomorrow. I am looking forward to what I get.

God bless one and all!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Busy

Wow, Miss Hudson!! 6 preps! I had no idea. What classes are you teaching?! How in the world do you do it? I agree with the teaching being nice if it wasn't so much work. (You said something like that.) I often think of Dr. Kelly's story about how she had an ice cream sundae every day after school her first year and that is what got her through to the next day. It makes me feel better when I'm so exhausted. Though something has happened recently that has caused my spirits to soar. My student has started occupational therapy. This means that her entire education is no longer up to me. AND the therapist actually went to school for this! She didn't major in political science like silly little me. I now have a professional that I can bounce ideas off of and ask advice from. It's amazing. Bonus, as it turns out, a lot of my ideas that I've developed over the last year or so are right! I'm so excited. I feel like I've completely reinvented the wheel (I mean, people have already figured this stuff out.), but at least I did it right! I was so happy when I found out, I jumped/pranced about my apartment shouting in delight. Colin thought I'd flipped.

One thing I really like about teaching at an elementary school level instead of high school is art. I'm so excited about Halloween. We're totally going to decorate the classroom. I get to play with finger paint. I did not get to do that with my government class. Although, they probably wouldn't have minded. I could have been all, "Finger paint a picture of your favorite Supreme Court Justice." You know what, if I ever teach government again, I'm going to do that.

Long story short, hang in there Miss Hudson. This to shall pass. As far as students acting up, (this goes for Mr. Rose, too) it could be worse. I'm assuming your students don't yell and scream and hit and kick and run away from you. Teaching is a full contact sport for me.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I'm swamped!

Hello, one and all! How is life? Or do you have one? I know people said this would be difficult, but good grief! Six preps--I wonder whether there is life outside of school? But if my classes go well and my students behave (very funny), teaching is not too much work. I want to give up and go home! Help!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Teaching teachers

Must I do everything around here?

Ron Clark has led an interesting life. Its really well summarized in the Wikipedia article. His first book was The Essential 55 (see my earlier reference). He was the subject of a movie starring Matthew Perry, and he has some darn good ideas about teaching.

Look him up. Read up.

Learn.

There will be a quiz.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Getting Ready

How's everyone doing? I have to admit, I'm getting a bit nervous. My dear fiancé helped me set up my room the other day. I have to say, I'm a fan of how it ended up. (I was NOT a fan of how it started out.) I've been working into the night on posters and such. I am very lucky to be marrying into a family of teachers. They've helped me so much, both with ideas and resources. It's rather interesting not working for an actual school and having to make up my own curriculum and stuff. Also, my student is not at any specific grade level. According to the public school, she is in the sixth grade. But she has a second grade reading level and a third grade comprehension level (not reading comp, but, like, if I explain stuff to her.) Her maturity level is also somewhere in there. So I have been making a curriculum for a 12 year old 2nd/3rd grader while trying to fit in things like religion and Mass PLUS teaching coping methods and how to do things like use a microwave and vacuum. Did I mention I have no formal special education training?! Ahhh!!! At times like this the fact that I was a political science major and not a special education major becomes painfully obvious.
Don't get me wrong, I love working with Mary. I just don't like having my head in Autism books 24/7. I'm excited to really roll up my sleeves and make a difference, young naive teacher that I am. But I also feel super overwhelmed. . .young naive teacher that I am. :P
Theoretically I start school on Tuesday, but we'll see. There is stuff that still needs to be taken care of before school starts.
How are you all faring?

On a completely random note, I've been youtube-ing Catholic hymns to figure out what to have at the wedding and I found a version of Panis Angelicus by Pavarotti and Sting. mildly disturbing.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ahem. . .

Attention! Class, please settle down. HEY! Stop it you two.

*sigh*

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!

Good. Welcome to the new year students. I'm your new Language Arts teacher Mr. Rose. I'm sure you're all anxious to get back to schooling (I'm being sarcastic).

Alright, lets just get down to business. Here are the rules of the game.

A) No talking when I'm talking. In fact, Just obey the 55 Rules from Ron Clark's book about teaching and we'll get along fine.

B) You are only to. . . Actually, strike that rule. This is your blog. You are big teachers. You can post what you want. Tell your dreams, your fears, your hopes, whatever. Just be careful, in case the Man (read, your principals) reads the blog.

Hopefully we'll all have a good year.

God Bless.

*The Class erupts into thunderous applause.*